- 28 Oct 2009 00:47
#13214954
Para-Sailin' with Sarah Palin! (reprinted with permission from FreedomHaters.Org)
It's true, my friends. Sarah Palin has recently decided to cater to the bleeding-heart Demos and their twisted obsession with sick people. Last Sunday, she risked life and limb at the "Parasailing for a Cure" event held off the shore of Key West, Florida.
I had the amazing opportunity to interview this woman whom many consider "the greatest vice-presidential 'almost-was' since J. Danforth Quayle" just a few minutes before she was soaring above the Atlantic.
RP: Thank-you for your time. This is a noble undertaking, Ms. Palin.
SP: Gosh. Yeah. Y'know. I really- Yeah... *winks*
RP: For which disease are you and the "Parasailing" people raising funds?
SP: Oh. *looks to her right, then left* Any of 'em. All of 'em. *winks*
RP: Super. One more question. Is it true that during training, your parasailing instructor, Rico, impregnated all the fertile female members of your immediate and extended family? Or is that just another vicious rumor?
SP: Gosh. *doesn't wink*
RP: Just as I suspected. Stinking liberal media...
SP: Well y'know, Charlie... I think the American people... and gosh... this great country we live in... maybe the media are the ones who, y'know... and that matters to this nation of ours... it's about family values, Charlie... and I really think they do... y'know, gosh... the people who fight for our freedom... just a hockey mom from Alaska... and I really do, Charlie... that's what it means to be responsible... nation we really media the family, live hockey-people really freedom *garbled*
RP: My name isn't Charlie.
Moments later, I witnessed the beginning of a near-tragedy, as the rope securing Palin and her 'chute to the boat suddenly snapped. Caught by an errant gust of wind, Alaska's great right hope shot across the Gulf of Mexico like a cork from a bottle. After settling myself from the initial shock, I realized the beautiful Reaganette still had my cordless mic attached to her vest. I cupped the receiver tight to my ear, trying to shut out the cruel laughter of my fellow onlookers. For a woman experiencing a waking nightmare, her voice was calm, even soothing...
"I can see Cuba from here..."
I winked away the tear that stung my eye, and strained to catch a glimpse of the rapidly-shrinking speck that was, in actuality, a giant of a woman. A single word formed in my addled brain:
"Gosh"
Para-Sailin' with Sarah Palin!