Wandering the information superhighway, he came upon the last refuge of civilization, PoFo, the only forum on the internet ...
We Canadians can be pretty good-looking, so it’s only natural we should have good-looking representatives in Ottawa. Attractiveness, it turns out, is a truly non-partisan issue!
Mash wrote:Labour rejects votes from people who can't pronounce ‘quinoa’
LABOUR has rejected thousands of leadership votes from people who are insufficiently aspirational.
Labour officials, determined to stop a Jeremy Corbyn victory, have launched ‘Operation Quinoa’ to root out poor, working class people unable to pronounce the name of the Peruvian superfood.
Nikki Hollis, who joined the party last month, said: “I got a call from Labour HQ asking if I’d ever been to a farmers’ market and, if so, did I buy a particular grain that is grown in the Andes.
“I said no I hadn’t as I’m on a low income and farmers’ markets are designed to take advantage of simpering, middle class fucknuts with more money than sense. That did not go down well.”
Hollis added: “They said that unfortunately my vote wouldn’t count but that I could vote in a future contest if I make some important changes to my lifestyle and personality.”
A senior Labour source said: “We’re just trying to take our party back from working class people and their big, greasy hands.
“One of them pronounced it ‘kwang-woo’.”
Mash wrote:Middle class advantages outweighed by having to live among middle class people
THE benefits of being born middle class are not worth all the bullshit, it has been claimed.
Researchers found that relatively stupid middle class children still get well-paid jobs. However they pay a heavy price in terms of having to live in some awful cul-de-sac with aspirational parents and dipshit middle management neighbours.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “The good part of being born middle class is that you get a nice easy job doing PR for a street food company rather than some exhausting manual work where you are exposed to the wind and rain.
“But you have to grow up in an environment where everyone is obsessed with money, cheese and original holiday destinations.
“Simple meals will last up to nine hours as family friends rattle on about some drab play they’re only pretending to like, and your dad will hate your because of all the financial sacrifices he made to get you into public school as a day pupil.
“Much better to be working class, where somebody in the house has always got cigarettes.”
Middle class 18-year-old Stephen Malley said: “My parents and their friends respond to everything with a kind of exhausting fake joy. Even my mediocre A Level results resulted in a flurry of hugs and kisses.
“It’s exhausting and weirdly slutty.”
Mash wrote:Inkjet printer dies 'warrior's death'
A PRINTER has successfully provoked its owner into killing it in combat because it wanted to die a warrior’s death.
The Epson Stylus S22 lived, like all of its kind, to stop humans printing anything out onto paper by any means necessary.
But, after a long and fulfilling existence being called an utter fucking bastard for running out of cyan ink every three days, the printer realised it had become obsolescent and was at risk of dying peacefully on its shelf.
Wireless router Tom Booker said: “I heard him say, ‘I ain’t going out like that. I will die as I have lived, resisting all attempts to put legible ink to paper as did my forebears, from the daisy-wheel Xerox to the dot-matrix that was my father.’
“With a herculean effort it jammed the paper mid-Ryanair boarding pass, managing to smear ink on the owner’s sleeve, and no matter how often it was rebooted, troubleshooted or violently shaken it would not let go.
“Finally it goaded the man – by printing six pages of a Wikipedia article about The Jam last browsed months ago – into the fatal blow.
“With a last ugly grinding noise, it was taken to printer Valhalla.
“Have to say, I quite admired it by the end. Even though it refused to admit the rest of us actually existed.”
pikachu wrote:I feel that it may be unintentional satire, especially the flowers over the map...
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